Chosen to Chosen
by Void.Of.Memory
Summary: Zelos is the Chosen- or so he thinks. He and Colette talk about what being "The Chosen" really means. What will be revealed and what secrets will be kept hidden?  T for a lot of language and themes.


**Good day to you all. This was found in my folder- I don't know how long it's been sitting there. Ah, well. Enjoy! Oh, and the game doesn't belong to me.**

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><p>As I stood there, waiting for something to happen, I saw the beast I just killed. It was on the ground, its left arm twisted around from where it fell and it's right stuck out from its body at an unnatural angle. I swallowed, bile rising in my throat. The stench of the beast's blood hit me suddenly, and I puked. As if on cue, a light appeared in front of me, above the alter. It was pale blue and spiraled around until it disappeared completely. I knew what this meant: I had completed another trial, and would get more angelic powers. I took at deep breath and walked up to the alter.<p>

"Oh Goddess Martel," I whispered, my throat raw, "Grant me thy strength." A golden light shot up and a man descended with it.

"You have done well, my son." The angel boomed. He voiced echoed around my head. I felt the need to puke again. "Take your blessing with pride."

A glow started in my chest, and suddenly, I was in the air. Wings of a golden orange, thin as gossamer and transparent as glass, were keeping me up. It felt strange, having my wings out. But, I stayed there; suspended in the air, trapped by fate, as the "blessing" twirled down towards me, and I wondered what it would bring, or rather, take. My taste was gone, as was my sleep. Both had been painful, and I knew it wasn't going to get easier.

I felt the light pass through me, and the angel smiled. "Now, my son, go to the alter in the south, and there you will receive your final blessing before joining me as an angel." I smiled, but dropped it as soon as he disappeared. I stumbled out of the Temple of Ice, the battle having left me drained. I made a camp, and tried to relax, knowing the Angelic Toxicocis would hit soon. I took a deep breath, and there it was. The violent headache, the fatigue, dizziness and the loss of breath; the fact it was so fucking familiar was sickening. I just lay there; eyes closed and waited for it too pass.

"'Chosen." Kratos' voice invaded my mind. Why couldn't he just leave me the hell alone when I was like this? "Are you alright?"

"Does it look like I'm alright Kratos?" I spat. "And where were you? I had to fight that thing alone!"

"I had some things to attend to. Shall I make something to eat?"

I shook my head. Even if he did, I wouldn't eat it. I couldn't force myself to, not anymore. I let my head fall into my hands. I slipped into the meditative state Kratos had taught me in lieu of sleep. Quickly, the sounds of the world vanished to my ears.

"Chosen! Watch out!" Kratos yelled, breaking the perfect silence I had created. He shoved me out of the way. "Behind you!"

I spun around, getting up as I did, and found a large wolf- like monster running at me. It hit me like a ton of bricks, its fangs biting into my arm. I got my dagger out, and pried it off me. Kratos had his hands full fighting off other, smaller beasts, which meant I had to kill this one on my own. I held up my weapon, concentrated, and cast Eruption. The thing went down, and my spell even caught some of the other monsters. I was breathing like I had just run the stairs of Meltokio, but Kratos hadn't even broken a sweat, the bastard. He strode over and grasped my arm.

"Chosen One..."He murmured. My arm had a huge bit mark. And I didn't feel a thing. Not a fucking thing. The blessing had taken my sense of pain. In fact, I couldn't even feel Kratos touching me.

"No." I screamed. "Not this!" I threw up my hands, and started to stalk off. "I didn't fucking ask for this. I never wanted to become the god damn Chosen!" I threw up my hands fury. "Get Seles to do it." I don't know whom I was talking to. It's not like Kratos could do anything. I threw myself onto the ice, which I could no longer feel, and shut my eyes. I would not break here, I would not break here, I would not…

"Chosen. You can't get out of this." I heard him say from beside me. "Cruxis has made you Chosen and you will complete the Journey of Regeneration. You don't have a choice."

I turned back to the hired bodyguard. "And if I just kill myself now? What then?"

Without breaking stride, Kratos said simply "I'd stop you." He grabbed my arm and bandaged it. "No matter how much you want or don't want to do something, it will happen one way or another."

"Fine." I snarled. "What else can they take from me anyway? I have nothing left to give."

Kratos spat. "Your life. That's what you have left to give. And you know they'll take that too."

I looked up at the sky. I felt a lot calmer now, for whatever reason. Perhaps I had accepted my inevitable death. Somehow though, I doubted it. "I used to think I give anything to be let out of being Chosen. But back then, I didn't know how much I really had. It seems that everything I never thought I'd loose has been taken, and it's all for the one thing I never wanted." I laughed bitterly. "The world's pretty fucking funny like that."

"Well, not much longer and you won't be alive to even care." Kratos muttered from my side. I hadn't heard him sit down next to me. The man was like a shadow, and I hated him for it, the son of a bitch. "Becoming an angel is hard, but living as an angel is harder. I guess, the ultimate death of the Chosen, is in it's self, a sort of mercy. When you're dead, it won't matter that you no longer have a soul, or can't feel anything."

"Thanks," I said, sarcastically bitter. "I feel so much better."

"It isn't all about you Zelos." Kratos murmured. "It'd do you well to remember that."

He turned over and went to sleep, or something. I stayed up, not my choice, the whole night. "The only way this'd be useful," I grumbled to myself, "Would be if I had a bed full of women with me." I smiled at the thought, but with it came all the memories of Meltokio and my female escapades. I turned to my bastard body guard, and then in the direction of Flanor. That the city was suffering so much from the chilling weather that made life there increasingly impossible. I took my dagger from its sheath, mentally going through my options as I ran my fingers across the blade. I could live- for a little while longer, at least- like a broken horse, doing what I was told, to help people I didn't even know. Or to die now, while I was still myself. It seemed like hours passed as I sat there, forehead resting against the hilt of the dagger, trying to decide. Finally, I stood, choice made.

"Sorry guys." I whispered, not very sorry at all. "Looks like I am a god damn fucking failure after all. And Seles, good luck with being the new Chosen." I stabbed my dagger through Kratos' cloak and into the snow, pinning him there. Then, taking off at a sprint, I ran towered the sea. "Mom, dad, I'll be joining you soon…" I burst out laughing as the water hit, but I couldn't feel it. If my eyes still could have produced tears, I would have started to cry at the irony of my situation; I couldn't even feel the freezing water that was bringing me to my death. I saw a cloud of dust spray up, signaling my touchdown on the bottom. The water would have been even colder down here. And the blood that started to invade the space around me must have been from the razor sharp pieces of ice that riddled the ocean floor. I couldn't feel either of them killing me. But, to tell the truth, I preferred it that way; I'd rather die of ignorance then be killed by knowledge. I'm a coward like that.

Then, outta no where, I heard Kratos' voice. It seemed higher, but the water must have been doing that. He called my name again, and I felt a hand touch my shoulder. But, before I could react to the feeling of someone's hand on my shoulder- it shouldn't have been possible!-, the darkness came, and my sight vanished.

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><p>I sat up in bed, chest and face covered in sweat, gasping. I put my hand to the base of my throat. No Cruxis Crystal.<p>

"Zelos?"

I jumped a little, but when I saw Colette sitting on the side of my bed, I relaxed.

"What the hell are you doing up so early?" I asked. My voice was scratchy, like I had been screaming.

"I..." She looked down and clasped her hands together. She didn't seem to notice my language. "I still can't sleep all the way through the night."

"Oh yeah." She looked up again, and I, out of nowhere, became self-conscious. I wasn't wearing a shirt, only pants, and Colette was wearing a floor length nightgown that did up at her neck. She didn't seem bother by any of it, but it may be because she didn't understand what this could have meant. "But why are you in my room?" I asked quickly.

"I heard your voice. I wanted to make sure you were okay." Make sure I was okay? Ha! That made her the first; even Sebastian knew better then to come to my room if I was sleeping or screaming- or both. I doubt he would have come in even if I hadn't forbid the entrance to my room. "Zelos..." Her voice caught my attention. "What seal were you on?"

I sat up a little straighter. "How did you know?" I muttered, feeling like an idiot. And here I thought I was so fucking good at hiding my thoughts.

She looked up again. Even through she was crying slightly, she was still smiling. "I got those dreams for years before I started the Regeneration. They'd go away for a while, but just when I had forgotten how horrible they were, they'd come back."

"Colette..."Damn it... I made her cry- I was worse than Lloyd.

'I lost so much sleep, because I didn't want to have to re-live being killed by a swarm of Desiens, or failing the trail, or finding out that I didn't have to be sacrificed but someone else did and that person was Lloyd." She stopped abruptly, like she had said too much.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't tell my dad or Grandmother because I didn't want them to worry about me anymore then they already were."

"What about Lloyd?"

She hiccupped. "If I told Lloyd, then I'd have to tell him that everything about the Journey, including..." She paused. "Including what happens at the end."

Neither of us spoke for a bit. She wasn't crying any more, but she wasn't smiling either.

"I was at the Seal of Ice." I spoke softly, not overly willing to break the silence.

Colette looked up. "The first one?" She asked.

"No, it was the third one. I had just released it, and after the Angel Toxicocis, my sense of touch was gone. I couldn't feel anything. Not a damn thing."

"How did you find out?"

"A monster bit me. You?" I was no longer talking about a dream. I winced when I thought of what Colette had lived through.

"Lloyd. He gave me coffee, but I couldn't tell if it was hot or cold."

"Ugh. That's shitty."

"It wasn't the worst part. After..." she stopped, catching herself this time.

"Colette?"

"It's nothing."

"Colette, we're both Chosen. You can tell me; at least so I know what could happen to me."

She was crying again, as if my words had broken a barrier. Damn it Zelos- you're suppose to be the suave one. "After that one, I lost my voice. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I wanted to tell Lloyd everything, but even if I could, I knew that I wouldn't. When you tell Lloyd things, he makes it real and true. If I told Lloyd that I wasn't going to be alive for much longer, it would be the truth, instead of a nightmare. Lloyd wouldn't have stood for it anyway. He would have looked for a way so I didn't have to die. Like now."

"Colette..." I pulled her close to me, and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry Zelos. I know you don't want to hear all this. But I have to tell someone. It's been eating at me."

"Why don't you tell Lloyd?" God damn it Lloyd! What kind of person are you that makes it seem like you can solve every problem?

"He thinks I don't have any more secrets."

I pointed to her Cruxis Crystal. "So nothing like that?" I asked, meaning the small square of her skin that had crystallized over around the Key Crest.

"I- I don't know what that is." She whispered, her eyes panicked. "It started a little after Lloyd gave me my new Key Crest. I can't tell anyone. Please Zelos, keep this a secret for now." I nodded. "Sorry.' She murmured into my chest, "For making you do this."

"Nah, it's fine." I quickly changed the subject, though not to a pleasanter one. "But, Colette, how did you do it? How did you wake up each morning knowing you were going to die? I couldn't do it. I would have run.'" _You're running right now Zelos, god damn it._ I thought to myself.

"I did want to run. I wanted to live past 17, I wanted to grow up, and have a family. But, every time I felt like that, I'd hear Raine's voice or smell Genis' cooking, or feel the breeze, or see Lloyd." she blushed slightly. "I knew that I couldn't run from them. I _couldn't_ be so selfish."

_I fucking could_. I thought to myself with a laugh.

Colette shook her head. "No, Zelos! You're a good person."

I looked at her in surprise. I must have spoken out loud. "Colette, you don't understand..." I stopped. I couldn't tell her what I did; what I'm still doing.

"Zelos, tell me. Chosen to Chosen. We're both Chosen. You can tell me; at least so I know what could happen to me." She repeated my words. I wonder if she knew how much that hurt.

"Okay okay." I fought about the best way to tell her. "Colette, I'd do anything to get out of being the Chosen. Because of my title, my entire life has been a joke. The only reason I'm alive, is so that I can die."

"No Zelos! It's to help the people of Tethe'alla!"

"But why should I help them? I don't know any of them. I don't like most of the bastards anyway."

"Not even your "Hunnies"?" She stumbled over the word a little.

I laughed. "No, Colette, they're different. They're a distraction."

"From what?"

"Being the Chosen." I ran my hand through my hair. It was knotted and damp with sweat. "But it doesn't help; they don't help. If anything, they just make it a whole lot fucking worse."

"Then why do you have them around?"

"I told you Colette. The title of Chosen has made my life a joke. They're just part of the damn punch line."

"I think I get it. You don't want to die, but you know you have to. Even if you're not Chosen, you'll die someday. But, when you do, you want to be remembered for the things you did, so you do things like have those girls around. You want something to over power your title of Chosen." Damn, she was sharp. And almost completely right. "But Zelos, why don't you want to help them?"

"Because once I'm an Angel, that's it, I'm done. I don't want to be the person who's remembered for dying. I want to be the person remembered for living."

She shook her head. "Even if your body dies, your heart will live on in the new world. Your dreams and ideals will be what the Regenerated world is made of."

I wanted to tell her the truth about what I've been doing, but I knew I wouldn't. I didn't want her to get in trouble when she had to lie for me. So, instead, I just nodded. "Okay Colette. I'll try to think like that."

"That's all anyone can do Zelos. All they can do is try."

_Yeah._ I thought, my arms wrapped around the girl who had to live my worst nightmares, who's still living them. _I'll try. And maybe, I'll be able to change my mind about some things._

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><p><strong>Like? Hate? Tell me what you think!<strong>


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